Well, the Amy Bishop story is apparently winding down now. Now all the stories are leading or featuring very prominently her previous killing of her brother, which now, at least in the press, is looking pretty bad. The NY Times has a statement from the Braintree Mass. police department indicating that the release of Bishop "did not sit well" with the police department.
So, it appears that the tenure denial aspect of this event will become of lesser interest, and this whole episode will just merge into all the other crazy mass killings, which is a shame. Of course, a bad event like a tenure denial doesn't lead a normal person to homicide. In these pathological multiple murder cases that is never the point. You need a confluence of multiple events to make them happen. In this case it looks like it was the combination of the instability of Bishop AND the tenure denial which was the ultimate trigger of what happened. OF COURSE a normal person would not go off killing people just because they were denied tenure. That's not the point at all.
But look at Bishop's situation. Sure, she was deranged, but not in a hugely major way (like say Fabrikant was). She was able to get through Harvard grad. school, get married, have four kids, land a faculty job, and start up a biotech company. She was unstable, but she was a high-functioning unstable person.
But it can't be denied that a tenure denial is a huge stressor. And I don't think this has been recognized enough. The length of time involved in the process--usually at least six years--and the fact that it is presented to the candidate as a deep, careful, reasoned judgement from one's peers, this makes it not like other common stress events in one's life, like death of a loved one, or losing a job or having a business fail. All those other events have elements of outside randomness to them. You can rationalize that there was (at least partially) nothing that could have been done about the situation. But I have been through two denials and I know that the committees always make their absolute best effort to present it to you as a careful, dispassionate, expert judgement of your entire career. And you are found wanting. The ENTIRE thing is all you, all your fault. I don't mean that that IS true, but that is how the administrators and faculty members make it out to you.
In such a situation, it takes an incredibe force of will and personality to NOT have fleeting thoughts of (at least) suicide, if not homicide. Of course--of course!--normal people do not act on such thoughts. But in my entire life, given all the events which have come down on me, it was only during the denials that these kinds of thoughts came to the fore in a way sufficient enough that I clearly remembered it happening.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Following the UAH shooting story
Again, I am putting links on my delicious page as the story develops. See
http://delicious.com/deadprofessor/UAH_shooting .
It has come out that apparently she shot her brother when she was younger,
http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2010/02/professor_accus.html?
though apparently that was clearly an accident.
The most depressing thing about this is that now the press is downplaying the tenure denial aspect of it as a possible main motive for the murders, presumably led by Fox News's odious story:
From Fox News, here is their lead-in at http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,585682,00.html
Motive in Question as Professor Faces Murder Charge in Alabama Campus Shooting
HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — There "may never be a clear answer" as to why a biology professor at the University of Alabama in Huntsville allegedlyvshot and killed three colleagues and wounded thre others, campus police said Saturday in a news conference.
If you read this article in detail, you see they have a few new interviews, but absolutely NO evidence of a motive other than the denial.
http://delicious.com/deadprofessor/UAH_shooting .
It has come out that apparently she shot her brother when she was younger,
http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2010/02/professor_accus.html?
though apparently that was clearly an accident.
The most depressing thing about this is that now the press is downplaying the tenure denial aspect of it as a possible main motive for the murders, presumably led by Fox News's odious story:
From Fox News, here is their lead-in at http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,585682,00.html
Motive in Question as Professor Faces Murder Charge in Alabama Campus Shooting
HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — There "may never be a clear answer" as to why a biology professor at the University of Alabama in Huntsville allegedlyvshot and killed three colleagues and wounded thre others, campus police said Saturday in a news conference.
If you read this article in detail, you see they have a few new interviews, but absolutely NO evidence of a motive other than the denial.
University of Alabama shooting
See the NY Times article today, Professor Is Charged After 3 Are Killed in Alabama. This is an amazing and horrific case where a tenure denial has (apparently) led to violent retribution by the one who was denied. We don't know all the facts yet but the Times says that she was denied tenure recently and she went to a faculty meeting with a gun and killed and injured several people, all other faculty members.
I want to post about this more later, but as someone who is trying to reach out to others who have been denied tenure, let me just make clear--while I am interested in the issues this will raise related to tenure denials, this was an absolutely bloody and uncalled for murder. I have no sympathy for the perpetrator. My guess is that since this is a clear cut case with several witnesses, it was clearly premeditated, and is in the south, she will be executed.
One of the frustrating things about the NY Times article is that it does NOT mention the denial first as the possible spark for the killings. Instead it discusses the "pressure cooker" of biotech startups.
I am assembling links related to this story on my delicious site, see http://delicious.com/deadprofessor/UAH_shooting. Now I notice that the LA Times is saying one of the victims was a staff member.
I will be very interested to see just how random her victims were. Was she in there to get revenge on certain people? Or was she also just randomly killing people?
As I said, this is clearly a crazy act by a crazy person, but in both of my denials I'd be lying if I didn't say that I did have thoughts like this. In my case (and I suspect in most cases) they ran more to the just plain suicide bent. But I hope this case does raise some discussion about this important issue. A tenure denial was once described by someone on sci.research.careers as like having a nuclear bomb descend on your house. It does feel like that. It is like everything you worked for has been destroyed. And not by something out of your control, like being layed off or having a business fail. This is a long, reasoned judgement by your peers and they have decided you need to be out.
I want to post about this more later, but as someone who is trying to reach out to others who have been denied tenure, let me just make clear--while I am interested in the issues this will raise related to tenure denials, this was an absolutely bloody and uncalled for murder. I have no sympathy for the perpetrator. My guess is that since this is a clear cut case with several witnesses, it was clearly premeditated, and is in the south, she will be executed.
One of the frustrating things about the NY Times article is that it does NOT mention the denial first as the possible spark for the killings. Instead it discusses the "pressure cooker" of biotech startups.
I am assembling links related to this story on my delicious site, see http://delicious.com/deadprofessor/UAH_shooting. Now I notice that the LA Times is saying one of the victims was a staff member.
I will be very interested to see just how random her victims were. Was she in there to get revenge on certain people? Or was she also just randomly killing people?
As I said, this is clearly a crazy act by a crazy person, but in both of my denials I'd be lying if I didn't say that I did have thoughts like this. In my case (and I suspect in most cases) they ran more to the just plain suicide bent. But I hope this case does raise some discussion about this important issue. A tenure denial was once described by someone on sci.research.careers as like having a nuclear bomb descend on your house. It does feel like that. It is like everything you worked for has been destroyed. And not by something out of your control, like being layed off or having a business fail. This is a long, reasoned judgement by your peers and they have decided you need to be out.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Closure
So it is closing in on two years since this all went down, the second denial I mean. I am working on setting up a meeting with the two tenured professors who supported me, primarily for the purpose of making sure we are organized if some teaching opportunity should come up in the next year or so. I am not talking about anything full-time, but I am currently working in an IT support position at the main state university here, about an hours drive away from the small, church-related liberal arts college that flushed me out two years ago. So, I am hoping that some opportunity might present itself to teach a class here. That was the biggest frustration for me after the second denial; as it was all about teaching, and it was from an essentially unknown very small college, I saw it as just about driving a stake into the chance that I would ever be able to be in the classroom again.
These two people I am going to meet with, they were the two who supported me in my tenure application and in the appeal process. Recall, this liberal arts college has a small department and only in the range of 4-6 fulltime faculty. These two were the only tenured faculty members there during my tenure application. One was chair for the first part of my six years, the other chair during the second part. (Another tenured member retired a year before I put my dossier forward, and another member was on the same track as me and got tenure the same year I was denied.)
Excuse me--a digression; I promise I will get back to what I was going to say--I have not mentioned yet that one of the important details of my situation was that there was another faculty member in my department who came up for tenure the same year as I did. And this was a person who was killing all along the board--teaching, research, and service. Let's put it this way: they were using her in the fundraising letters before she even applied for tenure. So she was a lock; I knew that. But I had been led to believe that the denial rate was very small at this obscure, cash-strapped private school. It was--before we got the new president, dean, and division chair. So there is a whole world of hurt we could go over about the RYS (rising young star) situation and as it impacted me. For now, I will leave it at this: the salient part of that whole situation was that she was the kind of person who was very passive aggressive, always playing the victim. Cutting down colleagues in the department or the College but never to their face. Before this happened I thought I had her support (or at least that she was neutral), but now I am pretty sure that was not the case.
OK, back to this meeting with the two people who supported me. As I said, I want to try to plan out a strategy with them if a single-class teaching opportunity comes up. It will be an uphill battle as the tenure decision letter mentioned only teaching as the reason for the denial. It we are going to overcome that, even to convince a department chair that it makes sense to take a chance on me for even a single course, it will take some over-the-top kinds of things being said, not just in letters, but probably phone calls, etc.
Now, the question is, what else? I have pretty much avoided much contact with them since this all went down, it being just too painful and I wanted to get some distance from it. And the other point being it is pretty pointless from my point of view socializing with them without talking about it. I mean if we avoid it totally that seems artificial and if we do talk about it I can't imagine it being too enjoyable for them. OK. But now what I have been thinking about is should I make some effort (perhaps with their help) to try to get closure to some kind of closure on this?
There are a couple of options this might take. One is I write a letter to the editor of the paper or something and lay out everything, naming names, etc. and point out that in my opinion the revered church school is morally bankrupt. Again, not because of the decision but because of the complete abandoment by the community which portrays itself as so inclusive and compassionate. There is another possible option. My next-to-last year at the college there was a very divisive denial in the humanties division. That one was all about research. The people over there got so up in arms they had an article in the student newspaper and the chair came before the faculty at a monthly meeting and he laid out all of his beefs for everyone to hear. The admin. did not respond to this at all, they just allowed the presentation. And now, get this, it turns out they did NOT fire the guy! They found him a non-tenured instructor position! Fer crissakes! They get to rail before the whole faculty about their denial and the guy is still employed there.
My case, by contrast, I think there are people there who don't even realize I'm gone. Or if they do realize it, they might think it was my idea. I am constantly meeting people in the grocery store and amazed by the complete misconceptions they have about what happened. So I am contemplating asking the two faculty members who supported me if they would consider asking the admin. to make a similar presentation at a regular faculty meeting. The idea is that this presentation would say that the point of it is most emphatically NOT to address the denial, but to address the atrocious behavior of the college afterward. You could argue that this is a win-win. I could get some catharsis, knowing that at least my story got out to the faculty, and they (the admin.) could feel good that this story did not go out to the public at large.
But...what do you think? It probably is a mistake to do something like that. At this point, I'm just contemplating discussing it, not getting close to doing it. It will be interesting to see what my two former colleagues say.
These two people I am going to meet with, they were the two who supported me in my tenure application and in the appeal process. Recall, this liberal arts college has a small department and only in the range of 4-6 fulltime faculty. These two were the only tenured faculty members there during my tenure application. One was chair for the first part of my six years, the other chair during the second part. (Another tenured member retired a year before I put my dossier forward, and another member was on the same track as me and got tenure the same year I was denied.)
Excuse me--a digression; I promise I will get back to what I was going to say--I have not mentioned yet that one of the important details of my situation was that there was another faculty member in my department who came up for tenure the same year as I did. And this was a person who was killing all along the board--teaching, research, and service. Let's put it this way: they were using her in the fundraising letters before she even applied for tenure. So she was a lock; I knew that. But I had been led to believe that the denial rate was very small at this obscure, cash-strapped private school. It was--before we got the new president, dean, and division chair. So there is a whole world of hurt we could go over about the RYS (rising young star) situation and as it impacted me. For now, I will leave it at this: the salient part of that whole situation was that she was the kind of person who was very passive aggressive, always playing the victim. Cutting down colleagues in the department or the College but never to their face. Before this happened I thought I had her support (or at least that she was neutral), but now I am pretty sure that was not the case.
OK, back to this meeting with the two people who supported me. As I said, I want to try to plan out a strategy with them if a single-class teaching opportunity comes up. It will be an uphill battle as the tenure decision letter mentioned only teaching as the reason for the denial. It we are going to overcome that, even to convince a department chair that it makes sense to take a chance on me for even a single course, it will take some over-the-top kinds of things being said, not just in letters, but probably phone calls, etc.
Now, the question is, what else? I have pretty much avoided much contact with them since this all went down, it being just too painful and I wanted to get some distance from it. And the other point being it is pretty pointless from my point of view socializing with them without talking about it. I mean if we avoid it totally that seems artificial and if we do talk about it I can't imagine it being too enjoyable for them. OK. But now what I have been thinking about is should I make some effort (perhaps with their help) to try to get closure to some kind of closure on this?
There are a couple of options this might take. One is I write a letter to the editor of the paper or something and lay out everything, naming names, etc. and point out that in my opinion the revered church school is morally bankrupt. Again, not because of the decision but because of the complete abandoment by the community which portrays itself as so inclusive and compassionate. There is another possible option. My next-to-last year at the college there was a very divisive denial in the humanties division. That one was all about research. The people over there got so up in arms they had an article in the student newspaper and the chair came before the faculty at a monthly meeting and he laid out all of his beefs for everyone to hear. The admin. did not respond to this at all, they just allowed the presentation. And now, get this, it turns out they did NOT fire the guy! They found him a non-tenured instructor position! Fer crissakes! They get to rail before the whole faculty about their denial and the guy is still employed there.
My case, by contrast, I think there are people there who don't even realize I'm gone. Or if they do realize it, they might think it was my idea. I am constantly meeting people in the grocery store and amazed by the complete misconceptions they have about what happened. So I am contemplating asking the two faculty members who supported me if they would consider asking the admin. to make a similar presentation at a regular faculty meeting. The idea is that this presentation would say that the point of it is most emphatically NOT to address the denial, but to address the atrocious behavior of the college afterward. You could argue that this is a win-win. I could get some catharsis, knowing that at least my story got out to the faculty, and they (the admin.) could feel good that this story did not go out to the public at large.
But...what do you think? It probably is a mistake to do something like that. At this point, I'm just contemplating discussing it, not getting close to doing it. It will be interesting to see what my two former colleagues say.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
The voices of tenure denial
I have been accumulating some links related to tenure denial; see the link to my delicious page on the right side of the blog. There is plenty of content on the web about cases related to discrimination (real or alleged), political and religious issues, etc. There is relatively less related to those who were just denied tenure period. By the way, one thing I have not mentioned is the legal work I did through my tenure denial--maybe that is a long enough story for a whole blog entry--but the conclusion I came to in that research was that civil suits challenging tenure denials that don't have any allegations of systematic class discrimination or political/religious bias probably have an extremely, extremely low chance of succeeding.
Please, if there is anyone out there reading this (and it is far from clear there is) send me anything you have related to this issue. Notable is Rob Knop's blogging about his tenure denial and what he has done since then. He has been one of the few to come out publicly about what has happened to him. It is all the more brave since, as I have noted several times before on this blog, one thing you learn about tenure denial is that basically the best thing you can do afterward is to as completely as possible hide or at least cloud what happened. That's why I started this blog, as a place to voice things that I felt were completely impossible otherwise. If there are others of you out there, please contact me. My whole aim is at anonymity here so one can speak candidly about the issues.
Please, if there is anyone out there reading this (and it is far from clear there is) send me anything you have related to this issue. Notable is Rob Knop's blogging about his tenure denial and what he has done since then. He has been one of the few to come out publicly about what has happened to him. It is all the more brave since, as I have noted several times before on this blog, one thing you learn about tenure denial is that basically the best thing you can do afterward is to as completely as possible hide or at least cloud what happened. That's why I started this blog, as a place to voice things that I felt were completely impossible otherwise. If there are others of you out there, please contact me. My whole aim is at anonymity here so one can speak candidly about the issues.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Randy Pausch is really dead
So I finally read Randy Pausch's book, The Last Lecture. It was last week, they were working in my office and I got kicked out for the afternoon; I went over the the library, found it on the shelves, went to a study carol amidst the students studying for their finals, put on the headphones and went through it in one sitting. It's not that long. Bottom line: for about the first 15 minutes I was skeptical, but after that I found myself actually feeling better. Obviously maybe just a simple "I'm not dead" kind of thing :) but it seemed more than that. I had not been expecting it.
It has been almost a year and a half since I looked at the "Last Lecture" either the video or the book. It had been very painful to me when I first encountered it. It was spring of 2008, I was in the middle of my appeal. For some reason I Googled the term "last lecture" or something like that. At that time, I was often thinking about my upcoming last lecture. All of that spring is kind of a blur to me, so perhaps it was after I had applied for the job I currently have, because I was definitely thinking that the end of the semester would be the last time I would be in the classroom.
Back then, it was very painful to look at. I was struggling with my own issues, and along comes the Last Lecture phenomena. Here I am brooding over my upcoming last lecture and this guy has it all over me. He's dying (making my pain seem stupid in comparison) and he's fabulously successful in the field in which I'm about to transition out of via failure mode. I didn't watch the whole thing back then, I probably got through about a third of it, just enough to discover what a tremendously successful guy he was and that his Last Lecture concept was completely unrelated to mine. My last lecture symbolized a final defeat. My last participation in the arena that I so desperately strived to succeed. And when it came to that, it was a complete anticlimax. Not that I expected or planned for otherwise. Having gone through the denial process once already, I knew that you have to hide it all, you can't broadcast any of it. I knew I could not attract attention to myself by announcing my last lecure or planning some unusual event. So the lower level class had the usual depressing last minute review for the final. The upper division class was a little better. I had saved a particularly pleasurable problem to work through, so at least I had some final memory of that wonderful experience of being in front of the class and getting to share with them some gem and try to get them into it.
But back to Randy Paush. He was a YouTube superstar, he was all over the net and he was dying. It was just umbearable. So I put it out of my mind. Now, about a year and a half later, I finally came back to it. So that was partly why I was surprised to actually feel good after reading the book. And it is so sobering to think, he was alive back then, in late spring of 2008. He's dead now. The real dead professor. [For the record, I meant that term--dead professor--to be ironic and humorous. Not dead in the real sense but dead in the sense of no longer a professor. An ex-professor, no longer to ever be again.] If you google "dead professor" you get "Dr. Randy Pausch, Carnegie Mellon CS professor, Dead at 47" from TechCrunch.
So, finally, what to think about the Last Lecture phenomena? Well, first, I feel nothing but gratitude for Randy Pausch. His book, which reads like a kind of a terminal version of "Surely You Must Be Joking" is not only entertaining but of real value. It certainly helped ME, when I finally read it. He makes clear--and I would have understood this if I had made it to the end of the YouTube lecture the first time--his main motivation for doing it was for his kids. And he clearly did not seek the notoriety that came his way.
But let's think about it. The guy was absolutely fabulously successful. (As an aside, I think viewing the Last Lecture one should remember just how incredibly competitive faculty positions are, especially at large, well respected universities. You have to be hitting home runs across the board to succeed in a position like that.) While I can unequivocally agree that being alive is infinitely better than being dead, he at least had the experience of feeling professionally satisfied before he died. Is having your career die--and not being able to talk about it to anyone--worse than actual death? We all are going to die. What kind of place do we want to get to before we die? I firmly believe that the old adage: "No man on his deathbed ever regretted not working at the office more," is NOT true. Lot's of us pursue careers that are a big chunk of our hopes and dreams, and a lot of us, maybe most of us, don't succeed, or don't get to terms where we feel satisfied with our satisfaction.
I don't know. The one strong feeling I had after my second denial (after I had a few months to reflect upon it) was that I felt bad that I was not more generous personally to my colleagues. I knew what it felt like to be in horrible pain emotionally and have no one at your workplace even think to ask how you are doing. One thing that I have tried to do going forward is to be a better colleague to my coworkers. Being a science/tech. nerd it is easy to get absorbed into one's own technical problems. But the real life's problems of those around you (and your family of course) are more important.
So I don't know. It is horrible that Randy Pausch never got to see his kids grow up, I know that for sure.
It has been almost a year and a half since I looked at the "Last Lecture" either the video or the book. It had been very painful to me when I first encountered it. It was spring of 2008, I was in the middle of my appeal. For some reason I Googled the term "last lecture" or something like that. At that time, I was often thinking about my upcoming last lecture. All of that spring is kind of a blur to me, so perhaps it was after I had applied for the job I currently have, because I was definitely thinking that the end of the semester would be the last time I would be in the classroom.
Back then, it was very painful to look at. I was struggling with my own issues, and along comes the Last Lecture phenomena. Here I am brooding over my upcoming last lecture and this guy has it all over me. He's dying (making my pain seem stupid in comparison) and he's fabulously successful in the field in which I'm about to transition out of via failure mode. I didn't watch the whole thing back then, I probably got through about a third of it, just enough to discover what a tremendously successful guy he was and that his Last Lecture concept was completely unrelated to mine. My last lecture symbolized a final defeat. My last participation in the arena that I so desperately strived to succeed. And when it came to that, it was a complete anticlimax. Not that I expected or planned for otherwise. Having gone through the denial process once already, I knew that you have to hide it all, you can't broadcast any of it. I knew I could not attract attention to myself by announcing my last lecure or planning some unusual event. So the lower level class had the usual depressing last minute review for the final. The upper division class was a little better. I had saved a particularly pleasurable problem to work through, so at least I had some final memory of that wonderful experience of being in front of the class and getting to share with them some gem and try to get them into it.
But back to Randy Paush. He was a YouTube superstar, he was all over the net and he was dying. It was just umbearable. So I put it out of my mind. Now, about a year and a half later, I finally came back to it. So that was partly why I was surprised to actually feel good after reading the book. And it is so sobering to think, he was alive back then, in late spring of 2008. He's dead now. The real dead professor. [For the record, I meant that term--dead professor--to be ironic and humorous. Not dead in the real sense but dead in the sense of no longer a professor. An ex-professor, no longer to ever be again.] If you google "dead professor" you get "Dr. Randy Pausch, Carnegie Mellon CS professor, Dead at 47" from TechCrunch.
So, finally, what to think about the Last Lecture phenomena? Well, first, I feel nothing but gratitude for Randy Pausch. His book, which reads like a kind of a terminal version of "Surely You Must Be Joking" is not only entertaining but of real value. It certainly helped ME, when I finally read it. He makes clear--and I would have understood this if I had made it to the end of the YouTube lecture the first time--his main motivation for doing it was for his kids. And he clearly did not seek the notoriety that came his way.
But let's think about it. The guy was absolutely fabulously successful. (As an aside, I think viewing the Last Lecture one should remember just how incredibly competitive faculty positions are, especially at large, well respected universities. You have to be hitting home runs across the board to succeed in a position like that.) While I can unequivocally agree that being alive is infinitely better than being dead, he at least had the experience of feeling professionally satisfied before he died. Is having your career die--and not being able to talk about it to anyone--worse than actual death? We all are going to die. What kind of place do we want to get to before we die? I firmly believe that the old adage: "No man on his deathbed ever regretted not working at the office more," is NOT true. Lot's of us pursue careers that are a big chunk of our hopes and dreams, and a lot of us, maybe most of us, don't succeed, or don't get to terms where we feel satisfied with our satisfaction.
I don't know. The one strong feeling I had after my second denial (after I had a few months to reflect upon it) was that I felt bad that I was not more generous personally to my colleagues. I knew what it felt like to be in horrible pain emotionally and have no one at your workplace even think to ask how you are doing. One thing that I have tried to do going forward is to be a better colleague to my coworkers. Being a science/tech. nerd it is easy to get absorbed into one's own technical problems. But the real life's problems of those around you (and your family of course) are more important.
So I don't know. It is horrible that Randy Pausch never got to see his kids grow up, I know that for sure.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
It's not all whining!
I actually did not start this blog just to whine. Really! I did some googling yesterday and you should see some of the whining blogs that are out there. No, I'm not nearly that bad. And that really was not the main reason I started this blog. Really!
While I continue to maintain that I was completely abandoned by the supposedly supportive and nurturing Christian community I was in at my last college, I will say there are some upsides to what has happened to me. I would not have chosen it this way, but ....
Well, let me stop right there. One of the (kind of) beneficial things about where I am now is that I was forced out. In my mind, I fought as hard and as long as I could and was tossed out. So, I don't have any regrets I did not try harder. And I was forced to completely change what I was doing professionally, which at least in the short term, has had some advantages to it. The first, most obvious one--in retrospect--is that I got to take a break from teaching. Yes, I am massively pissed that the assholes at my last college decided that they had to craft their denial so as to make it in effect impossible for me to teach again at any level, but I will admit that it has been nice to take a break from teaching. I spent 16 years in a row teaching college science full-time. This is what sabbaticals are for. If you don't have a break from students and grading every 7 years of so you go absolutely nuts. To actually not have to grade papers for once has been a tremendously liberating experience. I realized that I was always, except maybe between terms, living with a nagging guilt that I had not finished the grading I should have gotten to earlier.
So that was good. But besides that, I'd say that college professors, especially those with significant teaching pressures, are some of the most over-committed people. I'm working on several different IT/HPC related projects now in my new job but the pressure seems almost non-existent. When people ask me what I'm doing, sometimes I now jokingly just say "nothing.. really nothing...OK well not exactly nothing but a lot less than I used to be." That's not to say that I'm idle in my new job, just that the evening/weekend pressures are much, much less.
Now, beyond that, I can see that there are some people who did get tenure that I would not want to be. And I mean good people too. One good acquaintance of mine who does have tenure at a small private college, he just seems somewhat self-indulgent, intellectually. It's hard to explain what I mean by that, but it has to do with being in a position where you have been there a long time, you know you will be there a long time in the future, and you have very good job security. It does not force you out of your rut very much. That and standing in front of students a few hours a day and they will listen to whatever you say (pretty much), tends you to a certain self-indulgence that is not healthy. You know the type I mean, the older professor who has been doing it for a long time and has certain... quirks.... that can be endearing or infuriating but once you are out of the system you can look at it and go--wow, you could not maintain that kind of approach outside of academia!
So I'm glad I did not go down that road. I was forced out of my rut, and while it was a horrible injustice perpetrated by fundamentally evil people it did have certain upsides to it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)